What is Friendship?

As I grow older, I realize that I understand more and more what true friendship is. See, when you're in high school, you want people to think you're cool and like you and think you're cute. Then when you go to college you see the people who thought they were the greatest things to walk the face of the earth become average, or less than average. You see yourself as a different person, you come out of a shell and explore more, make new friends, and have new adventures.
Through all of that it seems like very few friends actually stay by your side.
I had a bad relationship in my past, and we shouldn't have been together, but for whatever reason I stayed in that bad relationship even though this person cheated on me repeatedly, and I finally said enough is enough when I found out that he was sleeping with one of my bridesmaids (which they denied of course) even though my "investigative snooping" on his computer found a rather inappropriate conversation about things they did together via IM (which occurred 2 weeks before the wedding). I thought this bridesmaid to be one of my best friends, and I really felt like I got stabbed in the back by her. It was awful, I think the heartbreak of someone who I thought to be a best friend doing that to me hurt more than him doing that to me. Long story short on that, friendships were ended but I feel in our older wiser years wer are starting to rebuild this friendship. She's still with him, so they must have been meant for each other, I just think that that wasn't the best way going about it, and I think that I should have broken up with him when I went to college. But we cannot change the past. I'm glad in the end that I did break up with him, because I met someone who means the world to me and that I'm madly in love with. It's awful, but I never felt with the other person what I do feel with my boyfriend (of almost 4 years now!). I still get butterflies sometimes.
Amongst other friendships lost, was one that still stings a bit today and I still struggle to figure out why. We were great friends and then this person moved back home and apparently didn't care to be a friend anymore. I was a friend when it was convienient.
I haven't been the best friend either. I forget to call, I don't keep in touch enough, I can be a big turd. But I do remember birthdays whenever possible, and I love my true friends a lot. I think something is to be said for true friendships. I don't have very many, but the ones I do have mean a lot to me. I'm glad that I do have a few true friends. I (at times) wish I had a few more, but I'm just exhausted right now from trying to be friends with some people. A friendship is a 50/50 split and requires effort from both parties, and I for one am tired of emailing and calling people only to not get so much as a Happy Birthday from them. Oh well.

Anyhow, enough rambling. I'm off to the gym- I'm on a diet and I'm working out. Hopefully I won't be a fatty forever!

~D.